When one is fully conscious, would one still have a need for a
relationship? Would a man still feel drawn to a woman? Would a
woman still feel incomplete without a man?
Enlightened or not, you are either a man or a woman, so on the level
of your form identity you are not complete. You are one-half of the
whole. This incompleteness is felt as male-female attraction, the pull
toward the opposite energy polarity, no matter how conscious you
are. But in that state of inner connectedness, you feel this pull
somewhere on the surface or periphery of your life. Anything that
happens to you in that state feels somewhat like that. The whole
world seems like waves or ripples on the surface of a vast and deep
ocean. You are that ocean and, of course, you are also a ripple, but a
ripple that has realized its true identity as the ocean, and compared
to that vastness and depth, the world of waves and ripples is not all
that important.
This does not mean that you don’t relate deeply to other people or to
your partner. In fact, you can relate deeply only if you are conscious
of Being. Coming from Being, you are able to focus beyond the veil of
form. In Being, male and female are one. Your form may continue to
have certain needs, but Being has none. It is already complete and
whole. If those needs are met, that is beautiful, but whether or not
they are met makes no difference to your deep inner state. So it is
perfectly possible for an enlightened person, if the need for the male
or female polarity is not met, to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness
on the outer level of his or her being, yet at the same time be totally
complete, fulfilled, and at peace within.
In the quest for enlightenment, is being gay a help or a hindrance, or
does it not make any difference?
As you approach adulthood, uncertainty about your sexuality followed
by the realization that you are “different” from others may force you
to disidentify from socially conditioned patterns of thought and
behavior. This will automatically raise your level of consciousness
above that of the unconscious majority, whose members
unquestioningly take on board all inherited patterns. In that respect,
being gay can be a help. Being an outsider to some extent, someone
who does not “fit in” with others or is rejected by them for whatever
reason, makes life difficult, but it also places you at an advantage as
far as enlightenment is concerned. It takes you out of
unconsciousness almost by force.
On the other hand, if you then develop a sense of identity based on
your gayness, you have escaped one trap only to fall into another.
You will play roles and games dictated by a mental image you have of
yourself as gay. You will become unconscious. You will become
unreal. Underneath your ego mask, you will become very unhappy. If
this happens to you, being gay will have become a hindrance. But you
always get another chance, of course. Acute unhappiness can be a
great awakener.
Is it not true that you need to have a good relationship with yourself
and love yourself before you can have a fulfilling relationship with
another person?
If you cannot be at ease with yourself when you are alone, you will
seek a relationship to cover up your unease. You can be sure that the
unease will then reappear in some other form within the relationship,
and you will probably hold your partner responsible for it.
All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at
ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.
But do you need to have a relationship with yourself at all? Why can’t
you just be yourself? When you have a relationship with yourself, you
have split yourself into two: “I” and “myself,” subject and object. That
mind-created duality is the root cause of all unnecessary complexity,
of all problems and conflict in your life. In the state of enlightenment,
you are yourself — “you” and “yourself” merge into one. You do not
judge yourself, you do not feel sorry for yourself, you are not proud of
yourself, you do not love yourself, you do not hate yourself, and so
on. The split caused by self-reflective consciousness is healed, its
curse removed. There is no “self” that you need to protect, defend, or
feed anymore. When you are enlightened, there is one relationship
that you no longer have: the relationship with yourself. Once you have
given that up, all your other relationships will be love relationships.
CHAPTER NINE
BEYOND HAPPINESS
AND UNHAPPINESS
THERE IS PEACE