I read about a stoic philosopher in ancient Greece who, when he was
told that his son had died in an accident, replied, “I knew he was not
immortal.” Is that surrender? If it is, I don’t want it. There are some
situations in which surrender seems unnatural and inhuman.
Being cut off from your feelings is not surrender. But we don’t know
what his inner state was when he said those words. In certain
extreme situations, it may still be impossible for you to accept the
Now. But you always get a second chance at surrender.
Your first chance is to surrender each moment to the reality of that
moment. Knowing that what is cannot be undone —because it already
is — you say yes to what is or accept what isn’t. Then you do what
you have to do, whatever the situation requires. If you abide in this
state of acceptance, you create no more negativity, no more suffering,
no more unhappiness. You then live in a state of nonresistance, a
state of grace and lightness, free of struggle.
Whenever you are unable to do that, whenever you miss that chance
— either because you are not generating enough conscious presence
to prevent some habitual and unconscious resistance pattern from
arising or because the condition is so extreme as to be absolutely
unacceptable to you — then you are creating some form of pain, some
form of suffering. It may look as if the situation is creating the
suffering, but ultimately this is not so — your resistance is.
Now here is your second chance at surrender: If you cannot accept
what is outside, then accept what is inside. If you cannot accept the
external condition, accept the internal condition. This means: Do not
resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair,
fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it
without labeling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of
surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace. This is your
crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension.
I do not see how one can surrender to suffering. As you yourself
pointed out, suffering is non-surrender. How could you surrender to
non-surrender?
Forget about surrender for a moment. When your pain is deep, all talk
of surrender will probably seem futile and meaningless anyway. When
your pain is deep, you will likely have a strong urge to escape from it
rather than surrender to it. You don’t want to feel what you feel. What
could be more normal? But there is no escape, no way out. There are
many pseudo escapes — work, drink, drugs, anger, projection,
suppression, and so on — but they don’t free you from the pain.
Suffering does not diminish in intensity when you make it
unconscious. When you deny emotional pain, everything you do or
think as well as your relationships become contaminated with it. You
broadcast it, so to speak, as the energy you emanate, and others will
pick it up subliminally. If they are unconscious, they may even feel
compelled to attack or hurt you in some way, or you may hurt them in
an unconscious projection of your pain. You attract and manifest
whatever corresponds to your inner state.
When there is no way out, there is still always a way through. So
don’t turn away from the pain. Face it. Feel it fully. Feel it — don’t
think about it! Express it if necessary, but don’t create a script in your
mind around it. Give all your attention to the feeling, not to the
person, event, or situation that seems to have caused it. Don’t let the
mind use the pain to create a victim identity for yourself out of it.
Feeling sorry for yourself and telling others your story will keep you
stuck in suffering. Since it is impossible to get away from the feeling,
the only possibility of change is to move into it; otherwise, nothing
will shift. So give your complete attention to what you feel, and
refrain from mentally labeling it. As you go into the feeling, be
intensely alert. At first, it may seem like a dark and terrifying place,
and when the urge to turn away from it comes, observe it but don’t
act on it. Keep putting your attention on the pain, keep feeling the
grief, the fear, the dread, the loneliness, whatever it is. Stay alert,
stay present — present with your whole Being, with every cell of your
body. As you do so, you are bringing a light into this darkness. This is
the flame of your consciousness.
At this stage, you don’t need to be concerned with surrender
anymore. It has happened already. How? Full attention is full
acceptance, is surrender. By giving full attention, you use the power
of the Now, which is the power of your presence. No hidden pocket of
resistance can survive in it. Presence removes time. Without time, no
suffering, no negativity, can survive.
The acceptance of suffering is a journey into death. Facing deep pain,
allowing it to be, taking your attention into it, is to enter death
consciously. When you have died this death, you realize that there is
no death — and there is nothing to fear. Only the ego dies. Imagine a
ray of sunlight that has forgotten it is an inseparable part of the sun
and deludes itself into believing it has to fight for survival and create
and cling to an identity other than the sun. Would the death of this
delusion not be incredibly liberating?
Do you want an easy death? Would you rather die without pain,
without agony? Then die to the past every moment, and let the light
of your presence shine away the heavy, time-bound self you thought
of as “you.”