The Undomestic Goddess
The Undomestic Goddess
The Undomestic Goddess
The Undomestic Goddess
The Undomestic Goddess
No. Im not stressed.
Im... busy. Plenty of people are busy. I have a high-powered job, my… OK. So sometimes I do feel a bit tense. But Im a lawyer in the City, for Gods sake. What do you expect?
The Undomestic Goddess
Truthfully, I dont have the most pristine desk in the world. In fact... its a bit of a
shambles. But I am intending to tidy it up and sort out all the piles of old… Meeting in ten minutes, he says. I want the draft financing documentation ready.
The Undomestic Goddess
The huge mahogany table is strewn with photocopied draft contracts, financial reports, notepads covered in scribbles, polystyrene coffee cups, and… The intensity of the afternoon has passed. Its like an ebb in the tide. Faces… Now its up to us, the lawyers, to work out what they said and what they actually meant (and if you think its the same…
The Undomestic Goddess
Which is pretty much how I always wake up. I think nervy sleep runs in the family or something. Last Christmas at Mums house I crept into the… I totter into the bathroom and stare at my pale reflection. This is it. All… Partner. Or not Partner.
The Undomestic Goddess
Except Im different. Ive just lost my client £50 million.
Fifty million. The amount is like a drumbeat in my head.
I dont understand how it happened. I dont understand. My mind keeps turning it over. Over and over, obsessively. How…
The Undomestic Goddess
Are you all right? She peers at me. You look terrible!
Ive got a rather bad headache, I manage. Could I possibly have a glass of… Of course! Come in! She waves her cigarette in my face and beckons me into a huge, impressive hall with a vaulted…
The Undomestic Goddess
But of course. Theyre the Geigers sheets. I sink comfortably back into my pillowsuntil another thought strikes me. Who are the Geigers?
I screw up my face, trying to remember. I feel as though Im both hungover and… Oh, God. Oh, please, no.
The Undomestic Goddess
Samantha? Trishs voice rises from the ground floor.
Samantha? She sounds annoyed. Now I can hear her footsteps coming up the… Madam? I hurry back along the corridor.
The Undomestic Goddess
If I say it often enough to myself, it must be true.
Ive opened my phone several times to call Guy. But each time, humiliation has… At last I sit up and rub my cheeks, trying to get my spirits back. Come on. This is Guy . Hell want to hear from me.…
The Undomestic Goddess
The next morning my alarm goes off at six fifteen and I arrive downstairs in the kitchen before seven, in my uniform. The garden is misty and there… As quietly as I can, I empty the dishwasher and put everything away in the… My domain.
The Undomestic Goddess
Samantha, Im afraid were going to desert you for the day, says Trish, looking concerned. Mr. Geiger is off to golf and Im going to see a very dear… Ill be fine! I say, trying not to sound too joyful. Dont you worry about me.… Is the ironing done already? She glances at the laundry room, impressed.
The Undomestic Goddess
And then it stops, like a car screeching to a halt. For a moment I cant move. Then, hesitantly, I sink back into bed, overcome by the most… Its Saturday. I have nothing to do.
No contracts to go over, no e-mails to reply to, no emergency meetings at the office. Nothing.
The Undomestic Goddess
I managed to get that information out of Trish on Sunday night, under the guise of asking about all the neighbors. There was some girl inGloucester… As I shower and get dressed the next morning, Im totally fixated by thoughts… I brush my hair, looking out at the misty green fields, and feel inexplicably lighthearted. I have no reason to feel…
The Undomestic Goddess
There was the vegetable-risotto disaster on Tuesdaybut thank God I managed to get a last-minute substitute from the caterers. There… So far, this week has cost me only two hundred pounds, which is a vast… Im putting Eddies damp underwear in the dryer, averting my eyes as best I can, when I hear Trish calling me.
The Undomestic Goddess
So! she says benevolently. Youre going out with Nathaniel tonight.
Thats right. I glance at myself in the mirror. Ive gone for a fairly informal… Hes a very attractive young man. She eyes me inquisitively over the top of her glass. Very muscular !
The Undomestic Goddess
Its not even eight oclock on a Saturday morning. Wheres the fire?
OK! Hang on a sec! I call blearily.
I get out of bed and put on a dressing gown, my head filled with delicious memories of last night. Nathaniels hand in…
The Undomestic Goddess
AVAILABLE/NOT AVAILABLE RELATIONSHIP ON/RELATIONSHIP OFF
SEX IMMINENT/SEX CANCELED/SEX MERELY POSTPONED.
How else are you supposed to know whats going on? How?
The Undomestic Goddess
myself adding a pair of old tinted glasses I discovered in the dressing table drawer, which look like they date from the 1980s. As disguises go,… As I come downstairs, Nathaniel is heading out of the kitchen, looking pissed… Samantha... what have you done? Oh, my hair? I touch it casually. I just wanted it in a different style. Are those…
The Undomestic Goddess
I dont know what happened to time. I barely recognize it anymore. The minutes and hours dont march past in rigid chunks, they ebb and flow and swirl… I barely recognize myself anymore either. Im tanned from lying in the sun at… The summer is in full throttle and each day is hotter than the last. Every morning, before breakfast, Nathaniel walks…
The Undomestic Goddess
Dear Guy,
I need you to help me. I think I have been set up byArnold . I think he… I sound delusional. I sound like some bitter, twisted ex-employee with a grudge.
The Undomestic Goddess
But at the same time, the minute my feet hit the ground I felt the buzz. By the time I
reached the Underground station Id already picked up my pace: matching the… And now Im in the Starbucks around the corner from Carter Spink, sitting at the counter in the window, watching…
The Undomestic Goddess
How did I live in this mess for seven years?
How did I not notice it?
I push back the bedcover, get out of bed, and look around blearily. The carpet feels gritty under my feet and I wince.…
The Undomestic Goddess
I make the breakfast for Trish and Eddie as usual. I hoover and dust as usual. Then I put on Iriss apron, get out the chopping board, and start… This was Trishs idea. As are the angels hanging from the ceiling.
How are we doing? Trish comes tapping into the kitchen, looking flustered. Have you made the mousses yet?
The Undomestic Goddess
listening to them. As I enter the kitchen, Melissa and Eddie are sitting at the table, which is covered in newspapers.
Youre in every single paper, Melissa informs me. Uncle Eddie went down to the… Oh, my God. I sink into a chair and stare at the picture. Why ?
The Undomestic Goddess
Trishs interview has been printed! he announces. Look!
I always knew Samantha was a cut above the average housekeeper, says Trish… She looks up and her face changes. Samantha, are you all right? You look absolutely washed out.
The Undomestic Goddess
I was pretty convincing. I even found a smile from somewhere as I shook David Elldridges hand. Its just possible they might print a picture of that,… As the train pulls out of the station I feel a painful stab and close my eyes… Wedged in the corner opposite me is the TV cameraman for the news documentary, together with the producer, Dominic, a…
The Undomestic Goddess
A special thank-you to Susan Kamil for so much support and understanding. Many thanks also to Irwyn Applebaum, Nita Taublib, Barb Burg,… These acknowledgments would not be complete, of course, without a mention of…