Dating the Right Person

SmirnovPeterDating the Right PersonMarriageis not an easy issue.Who isthe right person for me to marry?Am Igood enough so a good person will wantto date me?In orderto marry right person you need to look for certain qualities in potential mateand become good for this right person.Looking for prince ss the quality Here are some principles which will helpyou to define for yourself the best person to marry. One of the best ways tofind out who will be the best for you is to get an idea of the qualitiesof the person with whom you would liketo spend your whole life. The best timeis to do it before you fall in love wit someone.

In fact, take a pen and do make a list right now. Think ofdimensions identified by practicing psychologist Neil Clark 1994 . He says toask if you would like your future spouse to be quiet, funny or dependentquality of personality.How smart andintelligent does your future mate need to be? What kind of appearance criteriado you have? Ambition is not a small thing in a marriage, so you need to thinkabout ambitions of your potential spouse.

How important is romance and physicalattraction to you? Do you need a mate who will never cheat for any reason whois absolutely trustworthy, and will never steal anything or never lie? Howimportant is it for you that your mate will develop more and more her hisrelationship with God and love Him more than you? Would you like your futurespouse to serve to the Lord?Now, if you have answered all of the abovequestions you get a picture of your future mate, and of your ideal prince orprincess.

You know what you want. How will you make your desire real? If thereis a certain way to choose? How to identify your mate?First, spend some time together doingdifferent things and discussing your opinion about it . You need to be justfriends for no less than three months before you make a decision to getmarried.During this time keep your eyes wide open J. Dobson 1987. P17 soyou need to talk to get background information about your future mate to see ifthat person fits your prince ss. Talk about it openly because if you want tohave unity you need to become aware of different expectations James amp Arthur, 1998, p.115 .Someone said that if you want to see howyour future spouse will behave in your family, go and watch how his her parentsbehave because that is where we learn how to treat each other.

The PastoralCounseling 1998 authors recommend that partners identify how family of originvalues, attitudes, traditions, and dynamics have influenced their attitudes andexpectations regarding marriage p.116 . The next step, then, is to compareall of these tips with your own observations.

Ask yourself what you can andcannot expect? How different is this person from you? Is this person like you?One day you will find your prince ss andyou will like this person so much that you would not want to look for anyoneelse because that person is the best in the whole world.This person is thepersonification of your dream.

That person will never cheat or lie, will tellthe truth all the time, will be absolutely trustworthy, loves God, serves Himsincerely and is faithful to future spouse.You do really want to spend therest of your like with this one but here is question for you. Does this personwant to become your spouse? Are you good for this person? Will you be theblessing for that person? Look at your list of qualities of your future mate. How are you different from that list?What do you need to change in order to become worthy of that prince ss?II Becoming prince ssIn order to marry prince ss you need tobecome prince ss. If you spend your life looking for a prince ss stop now anduse your time becoming that prince ss and maybe a prince ss will find you. Hereare some ideas how to take care of your spirit and soulSpiritWho is God for you? Is he first or secondpilot? If you are the leader of your life how will you lead your family to God?Do not skip this topic because the home is the church in miniature, and everyChristian father has been appointed to be a pastor of his own home Fairer, 1990,p.57 . All Christians arerepresentatives of our Heavenly Father.

We need to know Gods word becausewithout it you can never be a spiritual leader in your home p.110 .There is a need for you to be God srepresentative in your family and love your family and love God with all ofyour heart and it is beneficial as Dr. Dobson 1987 said .husband and wifedeeply committed to Jesus Christ enjoyenormous advantages over the family p. 50 . That is why you need to stayclose to the Lord and walk with him all the time. Ken Nair 1995 tells a storyof one man who divorced his wife because of his attitude to her and later afterhe learned how to walk with God. He says, Christ-like attitudes and action,that change character, won her back, convincing her that he really could beloving her and wanted to care for her p.158 . Obey the Lord and He will bless you! He can also make changes in your soul. SoulHere, we will talk about emotions anddecisions.

Is love an emotion or a decision? Love is both of them, but itshould not be based only on emotions, because they are not stable.

We canexperience God s love because of His great love for us by sending Christ todie for us while we were sill sinners Rom 5 8 . God loves us with anunconditional love that is why we aresure that He expect us all the to cometo Him. Love is essential for a family relationship.

Love has a most potentpower in affection and sustaining union Spurgeon 1896 . In this family unioncommunication is important, but if we do not control our feelings we may hurtour spouse.

We need to learn how to communicate in a right way because communication keeps marriage flexible In ring, 1996, p. 76 . Do not letnegative emotions control your communications. Learn to talk openly and it willhelp you in your future marriage.No one wants to have problems in familylife.

Therefore, identify the qualities for your future mate and work on yourself in order to become a good mate. References Dobson,James C. 1987 . Love for a Lifetime. Portland, Oregon Multnomah. Farrar,Steve. 1990 . Point Man How a man can lead a family.Portland, Oregon Multonomah.Holy Bible, New living Translation. 1996 . Wheaton, Illinois Tyndale House. Inrig,Gary. 1996 . Whole Marrigges in a Broken World. Grand Rapids,Michigan Discovery House. Kok,James R. amp Jongsma, Arthur E Jr. 1998 . The Pastoral Counseling Treatment Planner.

New York JohnWiley. Nair,Ken. 1995 . Discovering the mind of a Woman. Nashville,Tennessee Thomas Nelson. Spurgeon,C.H. 1896 . CD Christian ClassicsEthereal Library 2000. Available ccel s spurgeon till he love BND.Him. Warren,Neil Clark. 1992 . Finding the Love of your Life. New York Pocket Books.