If a single word can describe our daily life during those first three
years, it is "scrounge." Every waking moment we were concentrating on how
the hell we would be able to scrape up enough money to do whatever it was we
had to do. Usually it was just break even. And there's nothing romantic
about it, either. Remember the famous stanza in Omar Khayam? You know, the
book of verses underneath the bough, the loaf of bread, the jug of wine and
so forth? Substitute Scott on Trusts for that book of verses and see how
this poetic vision stacks up against my idyllic existence. Ah, paradise? No,
bullshit. All I'd think about is how much that book was (could we get it
secondhand?) and where, if anywhere, we might be able to charge that bread
and wine. And then how we might ultimately scrounge up the dough to pay off
our debts.
Life changes. Even the simplest decision must be scrutinized by the
ever vigilant budget committee of your mind.
"Hey, Oliver, let's go see Becket tonight." "Lissen, it's three bucks."
"What do you mean?"
"1 mean a buck fifty for you and a buck fifty for me"
"Does that mean yes or no?"
"Neither. It just means three bucks."
Our honeymoon was spent on a yacht and with twenty-one children. That
is, I sailed a thirty-six-foot Rhodes from seven in the morning till
whenever my passengers had enough, and Jenny was a children's counselor. It
was a place called the Pequod Boat Club in Dennis Port (not far from
Hyannis), an establishment that included a large hotel, a marina and several
dozen houses for rent. In one of the tinier bungalows, I have nailed an
imaginary plaque: "Oliver and Jenny slept here-when they weren't making
love." I think it s a tribute to us both that after a long day of being kind
to our customers, for we were largely dependent on their tips for our
income, Jenny and I were nonetheless kind to each other. I simply say
"kind," because I lack the vocabulary to describe what loving and being
loved by Jennifer Cavilleri is like. Sorry, I mean Jennifer Barrett.
Before leaving for the Cape, we found a cheap apartment in North
Cambridge. I called it North Cambridge, although the address was technically
in the town of Somerville and the house was, as Jenny described it, "in the
state of disrepair." It had originally been a two- family structure, now
converted into four apartments, overpriced even at its "cheap" rental. But
what the hell can graduate students do? It's a seller's market.
"Hey, 01, why do you think the fire department hasn't condemned the
joint?" Jenny asked.
"They're probably afraid to walk inside," I said.
"So am I."
"You weren't in June," I said.
(This dialogue was taking place upon our reentry in September.)
"I wasn't married then. Speaking as a married woman, I consider this
place to be unsafe at any speed."
"What do you intend to do about it?"
"Speak to my husband," she replied. "He'll take care of it."
"Hey, I'm your husband," I said.
"Really? Prove it."
"How?" I asked, inwardly thinking, Oh no, in the Street?
"Carry me over the threshold," she said.
"You don't believe in that nonsense, do you?"
"Carry me, and I'll decide after."
Okay. I scooped her in my arms and hauled her up five steps onto the
porch.
"Why'd you stop?" she asked.
"Isn't this the threshold?"
"Negative, negative," she said.
"I see our name by the bell."
"This is not the official goddamn threshold. Upstairs, you turkey!"
It was twenty-four steps up to our "official" homestead, and I had to
pause about halfway to catch my breath.
"Why are you so heavy?" I asked her.
"Did you ever think I might be pregnant?" she answered.
This didn't make it easier for me to catch my breath.
"Are you?" I could finally say.
"Hah! Scared you, didn't I?"
"Nah."
"Don't bullshit me, Preppie."
"Yeah. For a second there, I clutched."
I carried her the rest of the way.
This is among the precious few moments I can recall in which the verb
"scrounge" has no relevance whatever.
My illustrious name enabled us to establish a charge account at a
grocery store which would otherwise have denied credit to students. And yet
it worked to our disadvantage at a place I would least have expected:
the Shady Lane School, where Jenny was to teach.
"Of course, Shady Lane isn't able to match the public school salaries,"
Miss Anne Miller Whitman, the principal, told my wife, adding something to
the effect that Barretts wouldn't be concerned with "that aspect" anyway.
Jenny tried to dispel her illusions, but all she could get in addition to
the already offered thirty-five hundred for the year was about two minutes
of "ho ho ho"s. Miss Whitman thought Jenny was being so witty in her remarks
about Barretts having to pay the rent just like other people.
When Jenny recounted all this to me, I made a few imaginative
suggestions about what Miss Whitman could do with her-ho ho ho-thirty-five
hundred. But then Jenny asked if I would like to drop out of law school and
support her while she took the education credits needed to teach in a public
school. I gave the whole situation a big think for about two seconds and
reached an accurate and succinct conclusion:
"Shit."
"That's pretty eloquent," said my wife.
"What am I supposed to say, Jenny-'ho ho ho'?"
"No. Just learn to like spaghetti."
I did. I learned to like spaghetti, and Jenny learned every conceivable
recipe to make pasta seem like something else. What with our summer
earnings, her salary, the income anticipated from my planned night work in
the post office during Christmas rush, we were doing okay. I mean, there
were a lot of movies we didn't see (and concerts she didn't go to), but we
were making ends meet.
Of course, about all we were meeting were ends. I mean, socially both
our lives changed drastically. We were still in Cambridge, and theoretically
Jenny could have stayed with all her music groups. But there wasn't time.
She came home from Shady Lane exhausted, and there was dinner yet to cook
(eating out was beyond the realm of maximum feasibility). Meanwhile my own
friends were considerate enough to let us alone. I mean, they didn't invite
us so we wouldn't have to invite them, if you know what I mean.
We even skipped the football games.
As a member of the Varsity Club, I was entitled to seats in their
terrific section on the fifty-yard line. But it was six bucks a ticket,
which is twelve bucks.
"It's not," argued Jenny, "it's six bucks. You can go without me. I
don't know a thing about football except people shout 'Hit 'em again,' which
is what you adore, which is why I want you to goddamn go!"
"The case is closed," I would reply, being after all the husband and
head of household. "Besides, I can use the time to study." Still, I would
spend Saturday afternoons with a transistor at my ear, listening to the roar
of the fans, who, though geographically but a mile away, were now in another
world.
I used my Varsity Club privileges to get Yale game seats for Robbie
Wald, a Law School classmate. When Robbie left our apartment, effusively
grateful, Jenny asked if I wouldn't tell her again just who got to sit in
the V. Club section, and I once more explained that it was for those who,
regardless of age or size or social rank, had nobly served fair Harvard on
the playing fields.
"On the water too?" she asked.
"Jocks are jocks," I answered, "dry or wet."
"Except you, Oliver," she said. "You're frozen."
I let the subject drop, assuming that this was simply Jennifer's usual
flip repartee, not wanting to think there had been any more to her question
concerning the athletic traditions of Harvard University. Such as perhaps
the subtle suggestion that although Soldiers Field holds 45,000 people, all
former athletes would be seated in that one terrific section. All. Old and
young. Wet, dry-and even frozen. And was it merely six dollars that kept me
away from the stadium those Saturday afternoons?
No; if she had something else in mind, I would rather not discuss it.