I love Ray Stratton.
He may not be a genius or a great football player (kind of slow at the
snap), but he was always a good roommate and loyal friend. And how that poor
bastard suffered through most of our senior year. Where did he go to study
when he saw the tie placed on the doorknob of our room (the traditional
signal for "action within")? Admittedly, he didn't study that much, but he
had to sometimes. Let's say he used the House library, or Lamont, or even
the Pi Eta Club. But where did he sleep on those Saturday nights when Jenny
and I decided to disobey parietal rules and stay together? Ray had to
scrounge for places to sack in-neighbors' couches, etc., assuming they had
nothing going for them. Well, at least it was after the football season. And
I would have done the same thing for him.
But what was Ray's reward? In days of yore I had shared with him the
minutest details of my amorous triumphs. Now he was not only denied these
inalienable roommate's rights, but I never even came out and admitted that
Jenny and I were lovers. I would just indicate when we would be needing the
room, and so forth. Stratton could draw what conclusion he wished.
"I mean, Christ, Barrett, are you making it or not?" he would ask.
"Raymond, as a friend I'm asking you not to ask."
"But Christ, Barrett, afternoons, Friday nights, Saturday nights.
Christ, you must be making it."
"Then why bother asking me, Ray?"
"Because it's unhealthy."
"What is?"
"The whole situation, 01. I mean, it. was never like this before. I
mean, this total freeze-out on details for big Ray. I mean, this is
unwarranted. Unhealthy. Christ, what does she do that's so different?"
"Look, Ray, in a mature love affair-"
"Love?"
"Don't say it like it's a dirty word."
"At your age? Love? Christ, I greatly fear, old buddy."
"For what~ My sanity?"
"Your bachelorhood. Your freedom. Your life!" Poor Ray. He really meant
it.
"Afraid you're losing a roommate, huh?"
"Shit, in a way I've gained one, she spends so much time here."
Iwas dressing for a concert, so this dialogue would shortly come to a
close.
"Don't sweat, Raymond. We'll have that apartment in New York. Different
babies every night. We'll do it all."
"Don't tell me not to sweat, Barrett. That girl's got you.
"It's all under control," I replied. "Stay loose." I was adjusting my
tie and heading for the door. Stratton was somehow unconvinced.
"Hey, Ollie?"
"Yeah?"
"You are making it, aren't you?"
"Jesus Christ, Stratton!"
I was not taking Jenny to this concert; I was watcbing her in it. The
Bach Society was doing the Fifth Brandenburg Concerto at Dunster House, and
Jenny was harpsichord soloist. I had heard her play many times, of course,
but never with a group or in public. Christ, was I proud. She didn't make
any mistakes that I could notice.
"I can't believe how great you were," I said after the concert.
"That shows what you know about music, Preppie."
"I know enough."
We were in the Dunster courtyard. It was one of those April afternoons
when you'd believe spring might finally reach Cambridge. Her musical
colleagues were strolling nearby (including Martin Davidson, throwing
invisible hate bombs in my direction), so I couldn't argue keyboard
expertise with her.
We crossed Memorial Drive to walk along the river. "Wise up, Barrett,
wouldja please. I play okay. Not great. Not even 'All-Ivy.' Just okay.
Okay?"
How could I argue when she wanted to put herself down?
"Okay. You play okay. I just mean you should always keep at it."
"Who said I wasn't going to keep at it, for God's sake? I'm gonna study
with Nadia Boulanger, aren't I?"
What the hell was she talking about? From the way she immediately shut
up, I sensed this was something she had not intended to mention.
"Who?" I asked.
"Nadia Boulanger. A famous music teacher. In Paris." She said those
last two words rather quickly.
"In Paris?" I asked, rather slowly.
"She takes very few American pupils. I was lucky. I got a good
scholarship too."
"Jennifer-you are going to Paris?"
"I've never seen Europe. I can hardly wait."
I grabbed her by the shoulders. Maybe I was too rough, I don't know.
"Hey-how long have you known this?"
For once in her life, Jenny couldn't look me square in the eye.
"Ollie, don't be stupid," she said. "It's inevitable."
"What's inevitable?"
"We graduate and we go our separate ways. You'll go to law school-"
"Wait a minute-what are you talking about?" Now she looked me in the
eye. And her face was sad.
"Ollie, you're a preppie millionaire, and I'm a social zero."
I was still holding onto her shoulders.
"What the hell does that have to do with separate ways? We're together
now, we're happy."
"Ollie, don't be stupid," she repeated. "Harvard is like Santa's
Christmas bag. You can stuff any crazy kind of toy into it. But when the
holiday's over, they shake you out.. ." She hesitated.
"...and you gotta go back where you belong."
"You mean you're going to bake cookies in Cranston, Rhode Island?"
I was saying desperate things.
"Pastries," she said. "And don't make fun of my father."
"Then don't leave me, Jenny. Please."
"What about my scholarship? What about Paris, which I've never seen in
my whole goddamn life?"
"What about our marriage?"
It was I who spoke those words, although for a split second I wasn't
sure I really had.
"Who said anything about marriage?"
"Me. I'm saying it now."
"You want to marry me?"
"Yes."
She tilted her head, did not smile, but merely inquired:
"Why?"
I looked her straight in the eye.
"Because," I said.
"Oh," she said. "That's a very good reason.
She took my arm (not my sleeve this time), and we walked along the
river. There was nothing more to say, really.