Chapter 7: Loving Our Neighbors

 

All around us we see the results of the industrial paradigm’s focus upon commodities and money, and its worship of fame, power and control. As a result, modern culture does not give human beings and other living creatures the respect they deserve. Our planet-itself a living being-suffers profoundly from a lack of love. As we have seen, we treat the Earth and other species of life with such disregard that all around us are appearing symptoms of serious illness: floods, famines, earthquakes, droughts, hurricanes, plagues and countless other scourges. In addition, instead of relating to other humans with love, caring and compassion, we manipulate and exploit them in a vain search for self-gratification.

Loving relationships are the way to counteract this negativity. Our personal relationships are a microcosm of how we deal with each other on an organizational, national and global level, and how we treat other forms of life and the Earth itself. Healing our planet ultimately depends upon how we relate to one another in the simple interactions of daily life. By relating to others lovingly, each of us can make a positive difference in our immediate environment.

In society today, many people do not experience sufficient love in their families, schools or places of work. Love that cannot find a healthy means of expression often emerges in various perverted forms. We have already noted the rising levels of child abuse, incest and rape all around us, as well as many other social and environmental ills. Sexual crimes are distorted manifestations of a natural tendency to love that cannot express itself constructively. Whenever people reject their own divine nature, their thwarted loving energy becomes a destructive force in the world.

The Need for a Culture of Love

This planet will not be healthy until we gain a deeper understanding of the soul and the universal love we all share. As parts and parcels of God, we naturally belong to a culture of love, liberation and constant celebration. When we extend this love and joy to others, we experience ever-deepening levels of God’s love. The world sorely needs a deeper sense of community and a more mature understanding of personal happiness, both of which depend upon our willingness to raise individual and collective consciousness by sharing our love with others.

Consider the “community” of a tree. Although the leaves of a tree require water, we do not need to water each and every leaf individually. In fact, if we water only the leaves and neglect the roots, the tree will not survive very long. But if we water the roots, we distribute water throughout the entire tree, so that the tree thrives quite nicely.

Although we may consider ourselves self-sufficient, we are actually no more self-sufficient than the leaves of a tree. The “nourishment” we need is love, and by directing our love toward God we “water our roots” and naturally distribute love throughout the entire community.

Loving Our Neighbors Goes Beyond the Surface

Materialism is rooted in duality; it is relative and impermanent. The material aspects of things are not their inner reality, and the materialistic viewpoint focuses on the outer manifestations without paying attention to the invisible essence. We cannot have meaningful, deep relationships by dealing merely on the level of our outer coverings.

A materialistic focus automatically disqualifies us from experiencing a deep level of love. Remember, loving others unconditionally is not based on a material understanding of life, because ultimately all love emanates from the reservoir of love, which is God. If we exclude God from the picture, we are merely attracted to material commodities and phenomena; we cannot experience unconditional love.

As we grow spiritually, we will be constantly amazed at the amount of love we can experience and share. The spiritual world is filled with eternal, loving exchanges that do not end, deteriorate or disappoint. Even minor competitions and arguments in such an environment merely serve to encourage more caring and sharing.

We have all known of mothers who would sacrifice anything for their children, teachers who would go to any length to help their students, or husbands totally dedicated to the welfare of their wives and families. These simple examples of selfless relationships in the material world offer us glimpses into the spiritual realm of genuine love. As we saw in the previous chapter, if conflicts arise in intimate relationships, instead of producing a rift, they can cause even stronger bonding between the parties. The individuals understand one another better, and this deeper understanding allows mutual caring and respect to grow.

Loving and Trusting Others

Genuine love remains constant despite adversity. Love gives us the courage to maintain our position-even an unpopular one-in any environment. This does not mean that we should be foolish or naive. To deny unpleasant realities is to express the opposite of love; true love is based on honesty and trust, not avoidance. To love our neighbors as ourselves means to love them deeply, as we ourselves would like to be loved. It also means to trust them. Honesty draws honesty to itself, and trust attracts trust. Without these qualities there is no love.

On a practical level, we may wonder how to love an apparently unlovable person or how to trust someone who has not earned our trust. We can approach such a person as we would a troublesome child. Parents normally do not adapt their conduct to that of the child. Instead, they help the child improve by modeling proper behavior and encouraging what is positive. After all, everyone has some good qualities. Parents know their children’s boundaries and are realistic about what is dangerous for them. They offer experiences according to their children’s level of maturity, encouraging them to grow and protecting them from demands that might be too taxing.

If we refuse to view others as enemies even if they try to hurt us, we can love almost anyone. We must always remember that our so-called enemies have a desperate need for love, which they are expressing as best they know how, albeit in negative ways. As spiritual warriors, we always have a choice in these circumstances. We can respond with compassion, or we can view these troubled people as enemies who have our destruction in mind. In the latter case, we become destructive ourselves, because we are categorizing others as harmful agents. But if we can see them simply as misguided seekers of love, we can remain loving and communicate that love in nonthreatening ways.

We cannot love those whom we do not trust. So how do we extend our love and trust to untrustworthy people? Naturally, we do not want to victimize ourselves or others by ignoring their negative behavior. We simply must be intelligent enough to know their limitations, supporting their positive characteristics and refusing to provide temptations they cannot resist.

For example, we would not leave treasured possessions within reach of a thief. But if we secure our valuables, we can trust a thief even in our own home. We can trust alcoholics not to drink if we remove alcohol from their surroundings. In other words, we trust others by understanding their boundaries, removing temptations and communicating our love. If we are clever enough to have a realistic view of their weaknesses, we can nurture their strengths to the point that they can even overcome their negative behavior.

This is how, in the proper frame of mind, we can trust virtually anyone.

Keeping Secrets

Another aspect of trust relates to the issue of secrets and confidentiality. Indeed, our effectiveness as spiritual warriors committed to helping others is closely linked to how we handle secrets. In the course of everyday life, almost all of us have kept secrets, shared them, betrayed them or used them to exclude others and demonstrate our so-called superiority.

But secrets have no role in spiritual consciousness, because they create barriers between people, interfere with our expression of love to others and imply that we have something to hide. Secrets create “in-groups” and “out-groups,” polarizing people into categories of friends and enemies and destroying trust. In spiritual life, each of our actions must be an offering to God and His agents, so that everything we do, say and seek becomes a means of glorifying God. In such a situation, what is the need for secrets?

Healthy communities should not be overly attached to secrets. In fact, the lives of spiritual warriors should be open books, because the Lord is watching everything. The more God-conscious we become, the more those around us will experience enlightenment, exhilaration and love. Unfortunately, many of us still do not want to be fully accountable to God-or even to our peers-and so we resort to secrets. We do not want anyone else to know what we have done, out of fear of being condemned for our behavior.

Our unwillingness to be accountable implies that we can hide from the Lord. Of course, we cannot. Remember, the Lord in the heart witnesses everything we do. We should offer all our actions to the Lord with enthusiasm as part of a loving program of service for which we want to be accountable and recognized. When we think in this way about all our actions, we have nothing to hide, and we no longer desire to keep secrets.

Confidentiality

There is a difference between secrets and confidentiality. Certain actions are confidential, but not secret. For example, husbands and wives make love. That is part of their experience of exchange in conjugal life, and it is confidential-indeed, few aspects of life are more confidential than exchanges of love. Yet even when a husband and wife procreate, they do so in the conscious effort to glorify God. Their behavior becomes an offering and, although it is private, it is not kept secret.

Confidentiality is often necessary for the development of trust, which, as we have just discussed, is an important aspect of love. That is why we have confidential aspects to our lives. However, although we are keeping parts of our experience from public view, confidentiality does not imply an intention to exclude. Rather, we simply do not want to cause unnecessary disturbance and so, instead of revealing everything at first, we share information gradually.

Spiritual life requires confidentiality in situations where the entire truth would be dangerous to others. For example, in sixteenth-century Bengal, Lord Chaitanya freely preached love of God to the public, but reserved certain intense spiritual experiences for a few highly evolved, prepared souls. Premature exposure to such experiences would be mind-boggling for the ordinary religious person. Lord Chaitanya’s intent was not to be exclusive, but rather to protect those who could not handle such a level of intense love. This is the proper use of confidentiality.

Parents who love their children behave in a similar fashion. As the children grow, the parents explain the same facts over and over again, each time with greater depth, according to the children’s capacity to understand. At first, parents may simply tell very young children to stop a particular behavior. Later, they may state the moral and ethical reasons behind their command. Still later, they may teach the children in greater depth why such behavior is unacceptable.

In each instance, they are explaining the same behavior at different levels. Confidentiality in spiritual life functions in the same way. A teacher can explain certain spiritual principles on an introductory level to the general public, go into more depth with an initiated group of disciples and explore the same topic even more profoundly with a group of advanced students.

For example, beginners in spiritual life first learn a few elementary truths, such as: we are not the body, we can have a personal relationship with God, and spiritual life is about intense levels of love. Because newcomers are not overwhelmed with too much information at the outset, they can hear these teachings without resistance. After the initial exposure, they can gradually gain deeper realizations according to their level of readiness. Confidentiality actually makes it easier to offer the higher knowledge when the time is right. Without it, new students might become overloaded and reject the entire body of teachings before ever having a chance to understand them.

The Value of Making Judgments

In addition to understanding the role of secrets and confidentiality in spiritual life, we must develop a proper understanding of judgment. The widespread resistance to judgment in our culture, particularly among “new age” groups, derives from the refusal to accept a universal standard against which to evaluate our actions. But this refusal does not mean that such a standard is unavailable, nor does it excuse us from being accountable.

Many people tend to equate spirituality with peace, tolerance and acceptance. However, tolerance is not always divine and peace is not necessarily a sign of love. These qualities indicate a mood of serenity that does not always address the requirements of the situation. When we seek peace and tolerance, we may be trying to cope with, manage or deny the existence of an improper situation. For example, are we truly loving to tolerate a son’s drug addiction? Certainly not. A parent who avoids judgment to keep the peace in such a situation is behaving irresponsibly.

Spiritual life is based on love, which means service to one another through deep involvement and intensive interaction. Such service includes judgment and evaluation. Being judgmental in this situation indicates that we care enough to be our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. If we refuse to be judgmental, we are being irresponsible and uncaring. Proper judgment is an integral part of spiritual advancement, because constant evaluation is necessary for growth. In order to progress, we must evaluate ourselves and be open to assessment from others.

Absolute Criteria of Spiritual Life

When we follow a bona fide spiritual path, we learn to judge our progress according to authorized criteria. We make similar evaluations in everyday life. For example, art collectors judge paintings according to standards accepted in the art world. Musicians improve their performance by following certain specified techniques. Think about it. Can we tell a martial arts master not to be judgmental toward his students? Can we tell a potter not to be judgmental toward her apprentices? Can we tell a teacher not to be judgmental toward his students? If he gives everyone an “A,” his pupils have no valid measure of their accomplishments.

These evaluations are not based on whims or feelings of the moment, but on objective standards. The external criteria prevent us from being fooled by our own distorted perceptions. In spiritual life, teachers, saints and authentic scriptures help us judge correctly, protecting us from the delusions of the false ego, which can easily lead us astray. To avoid error, we must rely on authorities soundly based in an established spiritual tradition.

Laws Are Universal

Rules and regulations are facts of life, governing everything we do. If we park on the wrong side of the street, we get a ticket. If we do not pay our taxes, we are fined. If we are consistently late for work, we may lose our job. If we reject all forms of judgment, we are implying that laws and rules have no function in society.

But laws are necessary to maintain civilization and order. Of course, some people are law-abiding and others are not. We do not discard all laws, though, just because certain individuals dislike or disobey them or because a few laws are unjust or uncomfortable. At the same time, to be effective, laws must not repress our energies or constrict us unnaturally. Instead, they should protect us, inspire creativity and enhance our sense of well-being.

It is true that some people misuse judgment and hurt others in the process. This is not true judgment, however, but condemnation. When we judge, we should not project our own negativity onto others, nor should we have ulterior motives. We should never use judgment as an excuse to close our hearts to anyone. But at the same time, if we wish to help others or make advancement ourselves, we must understand the necessity for proper judgment and evaluation.

To believe otherwise is to imply that we are fine the way we are, even though we are often full of nonsense, deviating from absolute spiritual authority and indulging in behavior that can cause serious problems for ourselves and others. To accept poor behavior is not a sign of love, but of denial. Love is about growing together and learning from our mistakes. We should demonstrate enough love to help each other make the necessary corrections.

Instead of telling people not to be judgmental, we should beg them to be just the opposite. If they truly love us, they will gently but firmly appraise our behavior and show us areas that need improvement. By the same token, we should do the same for them, viewing their negative actions as cries for love and seeking ways to help them if we can.

Therefore, it is our duty as spiritual warriors to help each other evolve. Often we are afraid of judgment from others simply because we do not want to face ourselves and make the necessary changes. We are still attached to our ingrained habits of sense gratification. But if we want to make spiritual progress, we must have the courage to pull these old, destructive habits up by the roots. Judgment is an invaluable tool in the process.

Evaluate Ourselves First

Many people who need help may be unwilling to accept suggestions at first because their egos get in the way. They cannot believe that they could have made a mistake so easily, or else they are afraid of change. Frequently, they will only learn from crises, calamities and chaos-in other words, from the “school of hard knocks.” That is a slow way to learn, but nonetheless it is extremely common. Does any of this sound familiar? This is not merely a pattern in those we are trying to help. We have all engaged in such behavior at one time or another.

In order to overcome the temptation to judge others harshly and unfairly, we must always evaluate ourselves first before evaluating others. Unfortunately, some people try to find fault with others as a way of avoiding the necessity to look within themselves. Their judgments carry little weight because they are not based on a loving desire to help. Instead of offering constructive feedback, these people are simply seeking scapegoats. In order to be helpful judges of others, we must be vigilant about our own weaknesses and constantly strive to improve.

We should always maintain a spirit of humility, never counseling or teaching others in the belief that we have nothing to learn ourselves. Here is a personal example: Each time I give a lecture, I focus on something I would like to understand better. Then even if everyone falls asleep I am excited because at least I have learned something. Otherwise, teaching is like a performance in which we are merely trying to please the audience. Eventually we will get to the point of saying things we do not mean, and people will know the difference.

To evaluate yourselves more efficiently, we advise you to solicit feedback about yourself from those who know you well. Approach them with pen and notebook in hand. When you are listening to their responses, write them down without comment or reaction. Then review them carefully later. In this way you will be sure to remember the suggestions accurately, without the distortions and rationalizations caused by false ego, self-delusion or wishful thinking. You will not be so tempted to justify yourself or to dismiss what others are saying.

Everyone wants to grow, and we are all being used to help each other. But sometimes we may not be receptive to what others have told us. In such cases, after writing down the feedback we can put it away for a while, until such time as we are prepared to address it. When we review the comments later, we will be surprised to see how the Lord is constantly giving us a chance to grow and purify ourselves. We will also be shocked to see how often we refuse His help. But if we begin to understand that everything in our lives happens for a reason, we will begin to appreciate how closely we are being guided and how much God loves us.

How to Remain Positive

When we do not trust others, or when we attack them harshly without looking at our own behavior first, we are hurting ourselves most of all. We are also harming those we love, closing ourselves off in a misguided attempt at self-protection. In either case, we are demonstrating that we ourselves are not sufficiently loving, because we are unwilling to view objectionable behavior as a call for help.

Spiritual warriors put no one out of their hearts. They love everyone, finding positive qualities in each individual even if such qualities are well hidden. As spiritual warriors, then, we may recognize that some people are immature, but instead of condemning them, we should look for loving ways to protect and guide them.

Difficult people are like antiques: they have potential beauty despite their rough spots. For example, if we love antiques, we may cherish an eighteenth-century chair enough to get it upholstered again and again. Because the piece is important to us, we find a way to make it functional and beautiful. Similarly, if we genuinely care about family, friends and associates, we will make our relationships sweet, defusing difficult situations and helping those who engage in unproductive behavior to improve.

To categorize others in a negative way means that we have already decided they are inherently selfish, unloving or untrustworthy. We cannot help them turn weaknesses into strengths. Instead, having assumed that their limitations are insurmountable, we have cast them in a mold from which it is almost impossible for them to escape. Rather than sharing our love, we have reinforced their shortcomings by relating to them according to our narrow definition.

No matter how positive we are, situations may arise in which people reject our love, advice or support. How do we express ourselves in such circumstances? The wisest course of action is to remain firm and steady, without reacting negatively or giving up. We must not change who we are or alter the love we feel. If we react negatively to a person who refuses our help, something is wrong with our own consciousness. We are seeking self-gratification because we want to be viewed as magnanimous, wise or powerful. Our love is conditional.

We do not have to manipulate others in order to receive their love and respect. We should live simply and authentically, uncontrolled by the opinions of those around us. If we are genuinely loving, people will be naturally drawn to us. The only requirement is that we express ourselves truthfully, accepting the fact that some people may like us and others may not. Under no circumstances should we try to change just because someone does not approve of us.

Negative Behavior Is a Call for Love

As spiritual warriors seriously interested in uplifting the consciousness of this planet, we must always remember that everyone values love above anything else. In all circumstances, a person’s words and deeds are either exchanges of love or cries for love. Although we can easily welcome and appreciate expressions of love from others, their cries for love can pose a challenge. These cries can take a variety of forms that may appear diametrically opposed to love. For example, how often do we perceive the need for love behind someone’s anger, rudeness, jealousy, indifference or cruelty? Our first impulse is often to strike back in self-defense or to return the behavior in kind. But this only succeeds in driving the wound deeper and reinforcing the other person’s sense of inadequacy, deprivation and separation.

Whenever we experience difficulty in a relationship, instead of taking the other’s words and behavior at face value, we should probe beneath the surface, asking ourselves: Where does this person feel a lack of love? How can I help? When we view the situation as an expression of the other’s pain or need, rather than as an attack or a deliberate unkindness, we may become more willing to transform any impulse to retaliate into a desire to be of service.

We can understand this universal search for love in all interactions by examining our own feelings in different circumstances. Suppose we become angry. We can easily see that anger originates in our experience of feeling unloved. The other person has thwarted our hopes and expectations of receiving attention, respect, kindness, care or some more tangible token of love such as a particular gesture or gift. As a result we feel deprived, undervalued and powerless. Because this is an intolerable state of affairs for most of us, we become angry, substituting the power of our wrath for the pain of feeling unloved.

If we are envious, we feel an emptiness and inadequacy within ourselves. We are disturbed that another person is receiving the recognition, wealth or happiness that we want and believe we deserve. This, too, is a longing for love, which would give us a feeling of wholeness and completeness that we are sorely lacking.

We could say the same for a wide variety of other negative emotions. Fear is a reaction to a situation in which we anticipate harm, attack, destruction, humiliation or even death. We feel alone and vulnerable, separated from the love we so profoundly need to feel connected and safe. When we hate, we are striking back in retaliation for the love that did not come our way when we wanted it. When we are cruel, rude, unkind or deliberately indifferent, even though we may be completely unaware of the true meaning of our behavior, we are sending out powerful distress signals indicating our desperate need for love.

As spiritual warriors, then, we must remember that each time we interact with another individual, we are either sharing our love or expressing our need for love. Others are behaving in exactly the same way. People who are unkind, demanding, hurtful, angry or sad are actually crying out for love. We should always be conscious of this universal need for love and share our own generously. In every situation we must ask ourselves, “What is the love factor here that I need to address?”

Dealing with Negativity in Others

In all circumstances, it is our job as spiritual warriors to respond positively to the cries for love that underlie negative behavior. There are three important ways we can respond when someone attacks us. The first is to examine ourselves to discover our own lack of sensitivity, skill or caring. If we scrutinize our motives and actions carefully and sincerely, we will almost always find some element that we have contributed to the problem. Then we can take corrective action in all humility.

The second aspect of our response is to remain centered and to radiate loving energy, while refusing to get involved in arguments. Because we are unwilling to take the offered bait, our would-be opponent may back off. No one likes to feel ineffective. Aggressive people generally feel foolish if their negative behavior has no impact, and they stop it quickly. In contrast, if we react to someone’s attack by attacking in turn, we will experience great tension and anxiety. The other person has already defeated us because we have agreed to abandon our higher principles to participate in a hurtful game. Such a reaction demonstrates that we still have much work to do on ourselves.

A third way to respond to an attack is to demonstrate to the aggressor how much we care. Even if the individual rejects our efforts, we will feel better because the love and generosity we have offered become part of our own experience. Obviously, if we become angry and disturbed, we have not helped anyone, least of all ourselves. When we offer genuine love, not only are we calming the other person’s disturbance, but we are also offering a remedy for the deficits that caused the upset in the first place.

When we respond calmly and lovingly without reacting, we prevent the other from causing harm and also serve as a role model, demonstrating alternative ways to function. Remember, spiritual warriors do not merely seek to protect themselves; they also want to elevate consciousness and offer help. Whenever they do so, they are improving the level of consciousness in the world.

If we are afraid of being exploited, we may have trouble responding constructively. Instead, we will simply expect others to treat us as we have treated them. Cheaters worry about being cheated, just as thieves fear becoming the victims of theft. In contrast, spiritual warriors draw love from their surroundings no matter where they are, reinforcing the positive vibrations that are already present and helping these to increase.

Dealing with Racism, Nationalism and Genderism

A particularly widespread aspect of negative behavior in the world today takes the form of racism, nationalism or sexism. Many members of modern society are filled with hatred toward those unlike themselves. As spiritual warriors, we must not react negatively to the disrespect and injustices perpetrated by prejudiced people. Remember, we cannot fight successfully on a battlefield if we are angry; we lose clarity and dexterity. Our anger, frustration and despair can also cause serious disease or dysfunction in our own bodies. And finally, if we are filled with negative emotions, these feelings will spill over into our relationships, particularly with those we care about the most.

But this does not mean that we should simply deny the existence of racial, nationalistic or sexist behavior by trying to pretend that everything is in order. As human beings, we require some measure of self-protection. We must refuse to allow ourselves to be victimized by prejudice, remembering that if others see us in racial, nationalistic or sexist ways, that reflects their own level of consciousness.

Even violently prejudiced people are children of God who have temporarily forgotten their true identity. We should feel sad for such persons, because by being inhumane to others they are destroying their own humanity. Our approach should be to love the person-the soul, which is the true essence-but not the actions. In this way, without condoning destructive behavior, we can remain true to our mission of serving others by being living demonstrations of love in action.

Developing Meaningful Service

Although spiritual warriors do not seek any material reward, many of us have not yet attained a sufficient level of selflessness to practice such altruism regularly. Some egotistical motivation is usually involved in our helping others. This is not all bad. If we help children in a day care center, assist battered women or feed the hungry, we are engaged in constructive action. There is nothing inherently wrong with our desire for praise. This longing for recognition is simply a step along the path of learning to offer everything to God.

The problem, though, is that we cannot always count upon the outcome we want. Sometimes we may not get the credit we think we deserve, or our actions may upset others. If we base our willingness to help others on expectations of praise and recognition, we may abandon our efforts as soon as we stop receiving acknowledgment.

Whenever we find that we are attached to appreciation from others, we should not give up our activities. We should continue, making every attempt within our consciousness to offer the fruits of our labor to the Lord. After all, even if no one acknowledges our contributions, God knows about them. Our job is to offer the best we can regardless of the consequences.

Remember, too, that real consciousness-raising is not based on how well we plan and organize activities, although these functions provide an important supportive framework. At the core of our service, beyond any structure, must be a loving concern for others. Countless people have begun humanitarian or spiritual work with good intentions, only to become so caught up in bureaucracy that they forget their original purpose. They become attached to fame and distinction, or they become jaded, treating people like cogs in a machine. Their work no longer uplifts consciousness and so loses its ultimate value.

The more we help others selflessly, the more the Lord bestows blessings upon us, even if outwardly our efforts appear to be unsuccessful. Remember, as spiritual warriors, we are ultimately concerned with uplifting consciousness rather than with improving material well-being. We cannot measure the value of our work by the extent of our physical accomplishments. Instead, our success depends upon the amount of consciousness-raising that occurs because of our actions.

It is far better to affect one person deeply than to try to touch many people in a superficial way. The changes that occur in that one individual will have a greater impact on the collective consciousness of the planet than slight alterations in the lifestyle of scores of others. Sometimes the simplest actions can affect another person’s level of consciousness-a warm embrace, a kind comment or a loving smile. We can all make efforts to uplift others in these uncomplicated ways, no matter what our circumstances and regardless of our skill level.

The Goal Is to Become Transcendental

Our goal as spiritual warriors is to become transcendental. Often, people engaged in helping others do not understand what this means. Anything transcendental attacks the basic grain of the material universe and reaches beyond it. In contrast, traditional established religions often try to help people become more comfortable with material life so that they will experience less pain, anxiety or frustration. Many are content with that level and remain there.

But transcendentalists are not satisfied with such aspirations and seek higher dimensions of experience. They express a love that is sufficiently strong and deep to serve as an inspiration to everyone and to prevent the negativity of others from penetrating their own consciousness. In other words, those who are transcendental experience life above and beyond the mundane activities of the everyday world, remain loving even when the environment is not, and thereby uplift the general consciousness of the planet.

As we explained in Chapter 2, being transcendental does not necessarily mean being sweet and gentle, and it does not mean staying in a relationship no matter what. That is a misunderstanding. When we are transcendental, negative people will either change in response to us or feel sufficiently disturbed to leave us alone. In some cases, we may choose to keep ourselves away from them. We should always be ready to help, but if others consistently reject our assistance, we may eventually decide to go away, calm in the assurance that we have done our utmost to extend love.

Remaining in a hurtful situation is often an invitation to be exploited. It makes no sense to continue giving our time and energy to those who cannot, or will not, reciprocate. As long as they see that we do not object, they will continue their unacceptable behavior. The more we demonstrate our care and concern for such people, the more they think we are weak, and so will continue to take advantage of us.

If we tolerate such actions, we are reinforcing their error. To end the mistreatment, we may have to remove ourselves from the scene and love the person at a distance. This does not mean that we stop offering unconditional love. On the contrary; we are expressing our love. It is an act of love to prevent the other person from accumulating more negative karma, which we accomplish by making ourselves unavailable for misuse.

The Struggle with Illusion

Becoming transcendental is not easy. As we persist in our spiritual practices, great challenges and temptations will arise. That is how the material universe operates. As we grow spiritually, gradually escaping the domain of illusion, the material energy clings to us intensely and refuses to let us go without a fight. That is why we must keep the goal in mind as we progress along the spiritual path. When the way becomes difficult, our focus on the end result helps keep us moving forward.

We should never depend on our own strength and intelligence in our struggle with material illusion, because the material energy is stronger than any one of us. Instead, we must rely on the Lord, who resides as the Supersoul in the heart of every living being and offers all kinds of assistance when we make ourselves available. If no help seems forthcoming, it is because we lack the faith to understand how personally the Lord is monitoring and assisting us.

We are risking a fall whenever we try to use our own strength to master lust and temptation. It is just a matter of time before we experience a situation we cannot handle. But if we realize the constant danger and remain watchful, our attentiveness will keep us from falling into the grip of illusion. The problem arises when we fail to take temptation seriously and so relax our vigilance.

Spiritual people mainly fail for two reasons: money and sex. Lust for money causes many spiritual people to give up their integrity and, in the face of economic problems, misuse of money can become an enticement. In addition, as we have seen, the pervasiveness of lust in this society causes many people to misinterpret loving behavior as an invitation for sexual contact. Many lonely individuals will deny their higher understanding in order to gain any taste of love, even if merely on a physical level.

As we become conduits for loving energy, our relationships become more profound. We become less eager to manipulate others to satisfy our own appetites, because we have developed sufficient inner strength to understand who we are, what the soul is and how we relate to God. We no longer seek ultimate fulfillment in the material world.

Questions and Answers

Question: My son thinks I criticize him too much. Is there a difference between being critical and being judgmental?

Answer: It is a matter of consciousness. If your son is not taking care of himself, or not being serious about his studies, you should be a stickler. It is your responsibility to monitor his well-being, even though he may prefer to play eighteen hours a day. Your role is to assist and encourage him, and in order for you to fulfill this role properly, some evaluation is necessary. But even as you try to help your son, you must also respect his individuality and independence. Be careful not to make him an extension of yourself. Talking down to a child, even though your intentions are good, may provoke resistance and resentment.

Sometimes when you share something with him, he may perceive you as critical and dismiss your feedback. Yet if you see a need, you must be eager to offer yourself no matter how he responds. If he resists or feels attacked, then you can try to fill the same need in a more palatable way. Parents must always be vigilant and yet not so overbearing that they psychologically hurt their children.

Parents have the responsibility to protect, monitor, teach and guide; that is all. If you notice that your son is not dressed properly, out of concern for his well-being you tell him to change his pants. You are not critical, just practical. You may want him to be careful when he rides his bicycle. You are doing your part to guarantee his safety, but you are not attacking him or blaming him.

He may not always appreciate your monitoring. But as a concerned parent, you must always be ready to give him your love, support and guidance. Offering our feedback is part of our responsibility as parents. Indeed, a parent who does not intervene when necessary either does not care or is too afraid of what the child may think.

Question: I am someone who does not trust other people. In my case it is really a learned behavior based on past experience. How do I deal with that?

Answer: As we discussed earlier, you should not be naive, foolish or in denial. Instead, you must see things as they are. You may have learned from past experience that someone is a chronic liar or a thief, but you must not allow this to interfere with your present growth and development. Instead, when you are with that person, you should simply be careful not to present any temptations that could be too difficult. You would not give a sharp knife to a little boy. This does not in any way disturb your love, compassion and concern for him. In fact, it is because of your love that you remove the potential source of harm from his environment.

Make an effort to see each person as a part of God. Then even if someone attacks you, you can look upon the experience as the Lord’s arrangement for your growth. Remember, there are no accidents in the universe. Your attacker is really a divine agent of God-one who is temporarily in a state of bewilderment or amnesia-sent to point something out to you. Your loving perception of your would-be adversary can uplift that person’s consciousness. The individual may even change completely, apologizing, smiling and asking for forgiveness. On the other hand, if you meet an attack with a counterattack, communication becomes much more difficult. You both go away disturbed.

We are really talking about deeper faith. When you have deep faith in God, you start noticing that God appears in your life in many different forms and circumstances. Your job is to be ready to love and experience God in whatever way He presents Himself. He is trying to increase your awareness by making you more sensitive to your own impurities as you perceive the problems of others. In other words, the Lord is showing you what to work on in yourself by creating situations that expose your shortcomings.

What is the price of a life of fear and mistrust? You pay dearly in terms of your own love, compassion and concern. You shut the doors and windows tight, keeping harm away, but allowing nothing positive to enter, either. Although you should not be a fool, we would encourage you to open yourself up to higher levels of experience and love.

Question: Given what you have said about judgment, how are we supposed to interpret the biblical passage “Judge not lest you be judged”?

Answer: If judgment and rules were not necessary, then God would not have given so many laws to the prophets. Such teachings tell us, for example, that adultery, fornication, blasphemy and murder are sinful. Evaluation is necessary to help us recognize these and other sins.

But we must judge with love and humility. The biblical passage you quoted is a way of reminding us not to concentrate on the faults of others when we are so sinful ourselves. If we criticize the shortcomings in others to avoid our own failings, we are not motivated by love. We are simply trying to hurt others in order to feel better about ourselves.

Judgment is present throughout the Bible. Much of the Old Testament addresses the deviations of the children of Israel and the various attempts to set them straight. In the New Testament, too, filled with teachings of love and compassion, Jesus still throws the money-changers out of the temple, judging them fiercely. He offers parables, exhortations and instructions to help people live more in accordance with God’s laws. So the Bible and all great religious scriptures show us that evaluation, if motivated by love, is healthy and necessary.